I'm a tryer. A doer. A do too mucher. Especially when it comes to relationships. Both romantic and platonic, I am a people pleaser through and through.
I feel like sometimes I try SO hard for no reason. I build and I push and I do all in my power to make someone happy.
It's almost like building a sandcastle. The person didn't ask you for a sandcastle but you think it's what they need, and what will make them happy. You just want to make them happy.
You push loads of sand, haul buckets of water across what feels like miles. You carefully mix in the water to make that sand packable, buildable. You work hard to create it, make it something they'll like. You build it up, revise, discover as you go. It takes hours every day after your usual tasks. You take some pleasure in it, because you're a doer. But ultimately it's for them. For you both.
You continue to work hard and better your castle even once it's complete. You're constantly working at it because you want that happiness in return. Is it perfect? No, but you want it to be, for them.
Then one grain of sand isn't just right for that other person.
That portion of the castle makes them mad, makes them yell. The thing you worked so hard on for them is the cause of your pain, your mistake to bare.
And the sandcastle comes crashing down.
Everything you've done, everything you've wanted for that person and worked so hard for. All that happiness you wanted to bring is thrown back in anger. You feel confused, hurt.
It was a small thing. A silly fight. But it still makes the castle and your walls come down.
No, it isn't the end of things. There's too much here to throw away on a grain of sand.
But it still hurts.
Why do I even try? Because of love.
Because this is how I love.
So I'll pick up my shovel and pail and get back to work.
Linking up with Joey for good measure...