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Engagement Season
To some this is the most wonderful time of the year. Christmastime, snow flurries, a bustle and merriment all around...
But to some, it's a dreaded, familiar, explosion of commitment known as Engagement Season.
It's the time of year the single girls, and worse, the long-time-relationship-without-a-ring girls, loath as we see post after post on social media of perfectly staged proposals and picture perfect diamond rings.
Most of you who know me are aware that I'm in the second of those categories. While I don't expect an engagement this season, it is a constant reminder (along with all the questions of "so when are you getting married?") that we are not, in fact engaged or married.
I am not in any rush, and not expecting to get married any time soon. I also don't want to over-shadow the ladies who are single, because I also remember my reaction to Engagement Season when I was one of them.
Back then it was "another one bites the dust" with a sort of longing that was easily pushed to the back of my mind.
Now it's morphed into "another one?! and they've been dating how long?!" followed by again pushing the emotion involved into the back of my consciousness, because why shouldn't they be engaged and not me? (and not swallowing it very well I might add)
If you haven't gathered that this is a rant yet, I'm coming clean now. It's a rant. He might find it. So be it. Honestly it has nothing to do with him or our relationship. I'm not in a hurry. I'll be ready when he's ready. But I honestly have to say I HATE Engagement Season.
I shouldn't and I know it. I should be happy to see people happy. I should be that bigger person that likes their post on Facebook and actually means it, rather than just for show. I should be the person that gets warm fuzzies at the thought of another happy ending. But the more Engagement Seasons I go through the harder that is.
Maybe a ring will fix it, maybe it won't.
I think the thing that has me really riled up is the recent engagements of an ex-friend. Yes we all have ex-friends, this one in particular I am happy to be exes with. But like all petty girls I still follow her on social media because watching the train-wreck is my daily dose of entertainment (seriously are you annoyed with my bitch status today yet? sorry)
What's even better about this old friend is that she has a blog. A new-er blog to chronicle her new life in a new city where she went to "to find herself and start over," after a major break up. There's a lot more rant I could go into about this new life of hers but I'll save that for another time. The real story here is she got engaged over Thanksgiving weekend, to a man she's known (as far as I can tell from the blog) less than two months. Oh and they moved in after one week together. There's a lot more details of course, love letters and texts before they even met which lead to their romance...
Anyways, I guess what I'm getting at is that seeing someone you are not a fan of, who has never worked for a relationship or for a major purpose ever, getting their happily ever after is hard. Will it last? Probably not. Did she bitch about how it wasn't an over-the-top proposal like she expected? Of course. Did he take her ring shopping two weeks into dating? Yeah, it's that kind of crazy.
All just a part of engagement season.
Her, a cousin and another friend. You can add up all their relationships and they still don't amount to the length of mine.
I know it's not about how long you're together. Trust me you're preaching to the choir.
I blame this damn Engagement Season...
[End Rant]
Oh girl. I know you read it, but now might be a good time to re-read this post (http://www.hodgespodges.com/2015/10/when-youre-waiting-for-proposal.html). It's SO SO hard. I know it's so hard. And the internet makes it harder. I remember that season of my life so well, and it's a suffocating pain. It's the epitome of comparison--their life to your own. And you just have to try your best to remember that everyone's story is different. Every SINGLE person I was SO JEALOUS of while I was waiting for a ring, was broken up or divorced long before I ever got my ring. Almost six years later, we're still happy. Waiting for your time is well worth it.
ReplyDeleteWell, I can totally relate having been where you are a long time ago and now back again as all my divorced friends start coupling off for the second half of their lives. Screw engagement season! And also screw New Years Eve and Valentine's Day while we're at it! Haha... I feel ya, and don't worry, your ex-friends shit show will surely crash and burn!
ReplyDeletelet's be real here, when we're in a long term relationship, we ALL want to know if it's headed there; that what we're doing, the time we're investing, isn't for nothing. There's nothing wrong with that...and it's not that you want to rush him or be engaged RIGHTNOW!! but you want some reassurance (and this is totally a subconscience thing) that eventually, some day, it will happen.
ReplyDeleteAs for that exfriend, I give it 2years tops. Too many people jump into the excitement of being engaged/planning the wedding to stop and think about what's really there (or not) and when all that hoopla fades (ie. after the wedding/honeymoon), you're left with someone you might not even be able to stand and then they become another divorced statistic. Just sayin'.
Annnnnd now I want to go check into all the people you follow on instagram and speculate who this is. I'm with you on not enjoying engagement season and really hope I DON'T get a ring any time soon!
ReplyDeleteOh girl, I think every woman has been in this boat who wants to be married one day. The feeling of being left behind as you see it happening for other people, even if you know those people will be divorced in a year, you still wonder what they're doing to make it happen. But, know that it will happen when the time is right and you won't be divorced in a year.
ReplyDeleteI GET THIS. 8 years here, friend. And yes, it's like I see people who get engaged who have been together for like 2 months and it drives me nuts. Also, the ones who have dated for a year and when they get engaged say "Finally!" Um, no. No. Wait 8 years and THEN say finally. My sister got married this weekend to a guy she dated 6 months before they got engaged. I love them both but I was asked 1,000 times this weekend when it was my turn...
ReplyDeleteOh girl I was in the same boat you're sailing in, I made myself miserable watching so many people (some younger than me) getting engaged and finding their happily ever after. Now I'm appreciative of the wait because I know it's genuine and glad it took long to make sure it was right! I also kind of wanna read this train wreck blog, we all have ex friends and mine is definitely someone I'm ok with being an ex friend- isn't it so fun to know without you in their lives they aren't doing so great :)!
ReplyDeleteOOoh I know this feeling so well. I was in a very long relationship that should have resulted in marriage but LUCKILY did not and now that I hit 30 and I've been in a relationship for going on 2 years everyone is all whenare you getting married and my friends & people I know are dropping like flies! It is exhausting. I'm not even in a rush but I have a friend who met her boyfriend literally 3 months after I met mine and they were engaged before they hit a year. Egh. Haha I'm happy she is happy but again. Egh.
ReplyDeleteMy cousin, who is the least wedding obsessed person I know, and her boyfriend have been talking about getting engaged for a while now. Somewhere around Thanksgiving, one of her "friends" (she's a real bitch, quite frankly) rooked her boyfriend into slipping a ring on her finger. (I'm not trying to be a hater, it's the truth. My cousin says he looks miserable.) I can't remember how long they were together but I know they broke up for a year and as soon as they got back together she came on strong with wanting a ring on her finger. So now, all my cousin hears is the "When is it going to be you guys?" or "I thought it would have been you!". She's even getting a little crazy over it happening which is, like I said, very uncharacteristic of her.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a boyfriend, a FWB, nothing and I salivate over every diamond I see. I could only imagine if I had someone to engage me, if you will. Social media (and I include blogs under that umbrella- ella also) is the devil when it comes to that stuff. Engagements, weddings, babies, promotions - gag me.
It sure is engagement season! Yet, as a wedding photographer - it's kind of (absolutely is) my job security! Lol! It's hard to watch people around you get what it is we've wanted (no matter WHAT that is in life)! But your time will come :) and it'll be awesome and amazing and all the happy things.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand what you are saying. Everyone is in different places in their lives even if they are the same age as you or have been friends with you or whatever and while you are content with what you have, when an announcement like this comes about you cant help but feel like you are behind or what not. When you respond I will go more in depth with this...
ReplyDeleteRight with you! Is it bad that I often get comforted by the fact that I think "It probably won't last?" for other girls I know who are in that same situation as your ex-friend? It happens all the time with girls from back home or sorority friends to me. Probably...
ReplyDeleteThis is probably the least helpful comment, but I honestly love going through and judging people's engagement rings. That makes me focus less on the "I hate that you just got engaged."
engagement season is super stupid! i think that even the most level headed girls get a little.. snippy / bitchy when another person gets engaged and they don't have a ring or a boyfriend. my friend got engaged after only dating the guy for like 9 or 10 months i think, married 4 months later, and her best friend had been dating her man for 10 years, no ring. they had a HUGE fight over it, but eventually got over it.. the first has been married 4 years and the other only just got engaged (finally!). KC and I were a bit different, what with the whole 'get married or you'll get deported thing' but i was super bitter and jealous every time someone else got engaged. it's hard not to. i wish i could say something helpful :)
ReplyDeleteOh girl. We have all been there, even we old married folks. I remember being ready far before my husband was and it was torture to see it happen for others before it happened for me - even though I was fine with waiting longer. It's hard to explain, but I feel you!
ReplyDeleteI also know (plenty of) girls who got engaged super fast after meeting someone and it just made me bitter, but don't let it. Use it as some entertainment. I will never be one to wish someone's marriage doesn't work, but unfortunately, the rushed ones hardly ever do... and they all play out on social media.
Haha, my girlfriends and I just met up for a coffee date yesterday, which turned into a conversation about everyone we hate who's getting engaged lol. We all get jealous at one point or another. It's natural. But like you said, there's no reason to rush anything. Maybe he's saving for a gorgeous ring, or maybe he's not, but hey, wishful thinking. Enjoy the small moments life has to offer because before you know it, you'll be wishing you hadn't of rushed through life, like some of the other girls you know. Until he puts a ring on it, I'm just enjoying everyday life brings us.
ReplyDeleteKaitlyn-danielle.blogspot.com
So sorry you’re struggling with this, but it will all be worth it in the end. I totally feel you on the ex-friend thing. I do the exact same thing - follow my ex friends on social media. I can’t get enough of it, haha! The only advice I can give to you is what some people said above, as well... Cherish the small moments. You will only be dating once. Make the most of it! You don’t want the time where you are dated to be flooded by memories of wanting and wishing that you were engaged. It will happen and it will happen at the PERFECT timing. I know it’s so hard to focus on what you want, but it really will make you happier :)
ReplyDeleteI just hate that every time something happens it's always immediately followed by "oh, your cousin is having a baby, when are you going to meet a nice boy and settle down?" or "oh they're buying a house! you're still living in an apartment with a roommate? are you sure you don't want to try match?"
ReplyDeleteTHIS. Oh my gosh. Same boat. I have been to approximately 2187517264512 weddings this year, and every. single. time. we got asked when is it our turn. We are not ready for marriage, but I can't help but feel bitter every time I see a new engagement on Facebook.
ReplyDeleteGirls in long term relationships without a ring yet unite!! I totally feel you...I'm not ready to be married yet but I kind of wish everyone else had to wait just as long and there was like a mandatory 10 year dating rule. There's no way of escaping that slight sting of engagement season. Darn social media!
ReplyDeleteI hear you sister. I had felt the exact same up until I was proposed to and a part of this annoying clan of people planning their weddings. I never thought I'd get married let alone that it would actually come to fruition (the engagement). It's so over rated trust me, and sometimes that little piece of paper can really change things, although it shouldn't.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, I bitch and rant and rave about a ton of shiz, you're not alone. :)
"long-time-relationship-without-a-ring girls" Me last year. Nothing worse than big family gatherings where EVERY SINGLE PERSON asks when you're getting engaged. -_-
ReplyDeleteI don't think time matters either... BUT... 2 months???? THAT seems fast!
Ugh, yes to all of this. If I had $1 for every time someone asked me when it was happening. A little over 7 years here and it feels like everyone has hardly been with their sig other when I see the engagement news pop up. Crazy!
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